6 Effective tips and advice on how to raise optimistic and independent children – by Doron Lerer
As parents, there are not many things that are more important to us than the happiness and enjoyment of our children. However, the real challenge we face is not only to preserve the joy of life, but to develop a sense of ability and optimism for life, important emotions that make them able to stand on their own, to be independent in the field and succeed. This learning and understanding involve a process that is not simple, because we need to shed many of our genes and learn how to let our children flourish in their own right. To help you understand how to do this and how to raise children who are both optimistic and independent, we bring you 6 important and useful tips and tips that you should use on a daily basis.
1. Avoid complaining about the children’s daily troubles
Which of us has no daily troubles? Money, time, interpersonal relationships, etc., all these worries can fill the routine of our day, and irritate and irritate us very much. In spite of all this, in order for your children to grow up to be as optimistic as possible, you need to prevent them from growing up in an environment dominated by pessimism, bad thinking and compulsive complaining. So be sure not to get overly upset when you are around them, and avoid complaining to them about various troubles and concerns, because there really is no need to involve them in these matters at their tender age.
For example, if you take the children to kindergarten or school in the car and get stuck in a big traffic jam that delays your progress and may cause you to do something else, do not show your child any signs of frustration and nerves that characterize such situations. Try to stay in good spirits, use the time to have a positive conversation with your child or simply play nice music in your car. Even in the later hours, when you sit with your family for dinner, be sure not to talk around the table about money and livelihood matters, which are usually a source of trouble and complaints. Instead, listen to your child tell you how he spent his day, try to talk pleasantly and keep conversations about complaints and anger at times when the child is not around.
2. Set goals and set expectations for your children
If you’ve ever seen the excitement and optimism of a child when he can do something on his own, you probably understand that children can not develop optimism and feel capable without having the chance to prove themselves. Therefore, despite our natural desire to protect our children and not to make them mentally unstable, there is no alternative but to begin to present them with goals and to expect them to stand up to them. These are not just their grades in school or their behavior in the kindergarten, but also their daily behavior at home. Of course, goals and expectations should be logical and ranked, depending on the child’s age and level of development.
The tasks that can be suitable for young children are: arranging their toys after a game from 1 to 2 years old, throwing their dirty clothes into the laundry basket for 3 year olds, 4-year-olds can be expected after dinner to put the dishes in the sink, Take the garbage out themselves or arrange the laundry. It may sound like little chores that you can do easily and do not bother bothering kids, but remember that as children continue to do so, they will be able to meet much higher goals and expectations in the future.
3. Encourage them to take calculated risks
We all struggle between the desire to protect our children as much as possible from the dangers that occur outside and the need to allow them to be independent and to experience things themselves. On the one hand, we want to prevent them from feeling feelings of pain and humiliation, and are afraid that their friends will laugh at them, but on the other hand, parents prevent their children from engaging in a specific activity only because the child is not as talented as other children. Pessimism seep inside.
In order for our children to grow up to be optimistic and independent, we need to know how to release the restraint and let them take risks and experiment, of course, while investing thought and understanding. Start by allowing your little children to play alone in the playground every once in a while, and from there, as they get older, they continue to encourage them to challenge themselves in various activities, even if they seem a little dangerous to them.
4. Help the child to cope instead of helping him immediately
When one day the child comes home crying and saying that someone has harassed him and harassed him in kindergarten or school, the first thought and instinct of most of us is to want to go and shout at the child who dared to deal with our child, or at least call the abusive parents, Our arguments about their child’s behavior. Know that this can be a severe mistake that can easily lead to a deterioration of the situation. Of course, we can not accept that our child, God forbid, is attacked or insulted in kindergarten or school frequently, but if this happens infrequently, we have to “swallow” and try to provide the child with tools to cope with the situation instead of immediately needing our intervention.
Restraining your protective instincts requires high self-control on your part, but remember that when you let a child deal with things on his own, you not only help him develop his independence, but also his optimism and self-perception. When a child tries to express a new word or put together a puzzle, it is tempting to intervene in his favor and help him with the second one you notice is difficult, but it is important that you let him deal with it on his own and succeed only by his own right.
5. Push them to fight their difficulties
When children have to deal with things they do not know well enough or have not had time to learn deeply, they may give up and give up quickly claiming they are just not good enough at it. “I’m bad at math”, “I’m bad in language” or “I’m bad at sports” – you probably heard a phrase like this or similar from your kids sometime. In order to maintain your children’s optimism over time, you must not let them succumb to these feelings time after time. Try to change the child’s perception of me, make him believe that he can and insist on it as much as possible.
Do not say to yourself, “I can not do this to my child,” because then you too will fall into that pit. Consider how to encourage the child to struggle with his own difficulties and push himself, with his own strength, forward. If you try to teach the child to read a clock and he finds it difficult, tell him: “We understand that you can not read a clock yet, but if you persist, we are sure you will know soon.” Let the child understand that he is not alone in dealing with difficulties, for example by saying sentences such as: “Many of your classmates face the same problems” or “I also had difficulties when I started learning about …” Keep up the optimistic spirit and consistency of learning by reminding them of other things they found difficult to learn, but eventually persisted and succeeded: “Remember when you tried to learn how to read, how much effort you invested in it, you will succeed in what you are learning now.”
6. Do not lie and exaggerate in front of your children
Often, when we want to instill in our children a sense of optimism, we tend to exaggerate a bit and inflate reality to try and make them feel good. If, for example, we move to a new city, we will tell the child that he will have “a million friends in the new school” or that he will manage with no difficulty with the teachers and the procedures. Ironically, this attempt to give the child the feeling that everything in life will go well and without difficulty, can do exactly the opposite thing and cause him many frustrations when it turns out that what you said is not quite realistic. Remember that in the end, real and stable optimism depends not only on positive thinking but also on realistic thinking.
Instead of trying to encourage your children through little lies or exaggeration of reality, engage him in a deep conversation, and try to find out with him what the difficulties are and how he will be able to deal with them in the right way. “We know that the transition can be difficult, it takes a little time to find new friends,” and try to think with him what actions can be taken to help him get to know new friends and get along at the new school.